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Zack's Anger Diary: Are We Shakin' or Not?



Dear Diary …


OK … we’re going to have to come to an official decision here. Back in the day we used to shake hands. And when I say “back in the day,” I of course mean “before COVID.”


When COVID happened, the handshake was pretty much the first thing to go bye bye (unless you were some weirdo doing to whole “I’m French so let me kiss you on each cheek” thing … that was RIP #1). And it’s fine that the handshake went away too … I totally get it. We were wicked scared of COVID, so we didn’t do it any more.


But now here we are a couple years later, and yes I know we can still sit here and say “COVID is serious, we need to take it as seriously as ever,” and that’s fine too, but we’re also definitely not wicked scared of it anymore.


So I gotta ask … are we shaking hands or not?


I really don’t care either way, but what I’m sick of is the awkward “handshake/fist bump/which one you going in for and am I gonna be able to guess right and not have it be weird?” ... that thingamabobber we got going on right now. I hate it! It’s like playing the Rock, Paper, Scissors Grown Up Greeting Version.


One … two … three … shoot!


Ahh … you threw “fist bump” my bad!


And I’m totally fine with just banning the handshake forever. Too many times it’s all jacked up anyway because you get a bad grab, or you mess up trying to figure out how hard you shake the hand of somebody of the opposite sex, or … you know … COVID. So can we just agree on it, make an official decision, and move on?


Also … can we just agree … that while it WAS a good idea at the time, we don’t really need all of these curbside pickup parking spaces anymore?


At the grocery store? Sure.


But we don’t need three designated curbside pickup spots at the liquor store anymore. I ain’t seen a single human use those things in months, outside of me of course because I’m just parking in them now. Whatchoo gonna do about it? Tow me?


The other ones that are ridiculous are the ones taking away parking spaces on city streets. Nobody needs those anymore!


And as somebody who knows the restaurant industry, I can promise you right now that 99% of restaurants don’t even wanna deal with curbside pickup anymore. They’re already short handed INSIDE, they don’t need to try to run food outside to some random person. And be honest … anybody using that service right now ain’t doing it because they tested positive for COVID, they’re doing it because they tested positive for “lazy.”


It was a perfectly good idea in the moment, but it’s time to move on.


Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.



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